you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
