I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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