the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
