why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
