two words: eviction party
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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