Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
