She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize