so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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