I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
