It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
