at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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