the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
