sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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