and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
