Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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