Pappa wants mamma naked
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
