I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
