I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
