I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
