Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
