U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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