i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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