is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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