His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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