My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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