i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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