She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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