he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
