I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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