He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
