what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
