She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
