ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
