No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
