i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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