Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
