If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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