Michael Bay diarrhea
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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