then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
