I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
