my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Drake has all the answers
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
