I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Tornado booty call.. dedication
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
