I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
