I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
