It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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