My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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