I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
