I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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