I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
