Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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