i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
