I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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