please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
