i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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