Already got asked if we're dating
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
