He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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