so explain again why im purple
no
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
