the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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