I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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