i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
