you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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