My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
FUCK WHALES
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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