When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
