Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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