So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
