Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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