apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
