Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
