Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
