I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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